There really isn't a place to start, in fact.

No words or pictures will ever truly represent this day, this weekend, and this couple. They were made for each other. This was meant to be; Dave and Sammy; their parents and grandparents; and all of us who had the privilege of being a part of their story. Of being a part of their marriage.

When Dave asked me to photograph his and Sammy's wedding at South West Rocks on New South Wales' North Coast, I couldn't have agreed quicker. I've known Dave since I was 16 and if asked for a word to describe him, i'd need a day to think up a term combining 'fun' with 'free-spirited', with 'loving' and with 'dedicated'. When I first met Sammy a few months before their wedding, I saw instantly why they fit together so well - and why their story was made to be written. The love they share with each other and their friends is contageous, and from the moment I was welcomed into their home it felt as if i'd become part of their family.

This was no ordinary afternoon. It was no ordinary wedding. And apart from a few hazy memories from the end of the night (haha!) I can honestly say I have never had a more extraordinary adventure. Like their marriage, these memories are sure to last a lifetime, and for that i'm humbled.

I hope these photos do the day justice. 

Enjoy.

Anyhow, not quite knowing what medium format film photography was all about, in October last year I decided to give it a shot (quite literally) and found myself thrown thoroughly in the metaphorical deep end. I think I shot 10 rolls of film before I had anything remotely close to reasonable. No light meter, a dodgy manual focussing system and a 75mm f/3.1 lens made for a new and interesting experience, but one i'm so glad I decided to push myself into. Film is an intriguing medium; soft, pastel tones, stunning dynamic range and previously-unheard-of depth of field combined with my unskilled medium format camera operating abilities meant it truly did feel like a completely new world of photography.

These photos of my beautiful girlfriend, Giuliana, are the first three photos i've been happy with out of the camera. I took them to be developed and scanned in December last year and then completely forgot about picking them up until today. I couldn't tell you what aperture or shutter speeds they were taken at, and i'd be lying if I said they were definitely shot on Kodak Portra 400 (because I can't actually remember). No EXIF data, no megapixel count, no post-processing. All I know is they're from a camera once owned by my grandfather, and they're of a person i'm in love with. Photography doesn't get much more simple than that.

Here's three happy snaps from a quick session yesterday morning at Shark Island in Sydney's south. Bring on more of the same, please!

Let's start with a bit of a back-story: you see last year was a very interesting year for me. I moved out of home at the start of the year, I quit a steady retail job I had and started work for another company that had, unbeknownst to me, been on the verge of collapse for a while, and I decided I was going to take "that leap" into being a professional photographer. I felt for some reason I was owed the ability to make a full time living from photography, after all I had foregone a position at university to pursue photography, so why couldn't I earn a living from doing what I'd worked hard at for the past few years? What a naive person I was. As the year drew on I realised this idea wasn't as pretty as it seemed - I was shooting, yes, and I was making money, yes, but was I happy doing so? The answer was a staunch no. You see I was working relatively hard - not working my guts out but steadily plugging away at it, and I was accepting jobs in all kinds of areas which had no interest to me with this idea that "if I can just make a bit more money from this, I'll be living the dream". I had had this idea since I first picked up a camera that to be one of the "pro's" was the aim. That once you were there, taking photos for a living, you had made it. You'd earn the admiration of all the e-friends you had made and you'd go home at night with not a care in the world, for you were photographing and you were living, and having the two inextricably linked to one another was a surefire way of creating your own happiness. 

But then the reality set in. That I just wasn't actually that happy. And it all came tumbling down. I'd reached a goal in one sense, and I'd destroyed another altogether. I came to realise my reasons for photographing had disappeared; I no longer took photos because I loved to take photos...I simply took photos because that's what people were paying me to do. I had barely added a photo to my portfolio in months, even though I seemed to be shooting more than ever - I realised that I'd all but lost my love for photography and creating good, soulful imagery, and I was creatively stifled. 

So I did what so many of us do when faced with our own inability to make: I blamed my gear. I decided it must be my boredom with what I owned, and the "out-of-date-ness" of it all. What else could it have been? I mean, I was taking photos right? Wasn't that the key to happiness? Wasn't the clicking of the shutter a micro-representation of my contentment with my life, with each new frame adding another layer to the extensive array of "incredible stories" I had to share with the world? Well the answer was no, not really...I'd simply burned out trying to achieve this aim of "being pro" and I couldn't understand why.

So at the start of this year I made myself a deal - to only accept photographic jobs I felt benefited my skills or portfolio (in other words very few), or ones I know I will enjoy (weddings, for example) and other than that only shoot what I wanted, when I wanted. I wouldn't force myself to shoot or market or promote or spam if I didn't have the creative desire, and if I did, great. Recently I read the article, 'A lesser photographer' by C.J. Chilvers that affirmed this for me, and I no longer felt so selfish or ungrateful for doing so. If you're a photographer, or getting into photography, or even if you aren't but have some interest in anything creatively-focussed, I'd recommend you download and read it. One chapter in particular, 'Go Amateur' contains three short, yet very poignant paragraphs:

"On your death bed, will you regret not making a few extra bucks on your photography or getting the latest model DSLR? It's more likely you'll regret not creating more art.

Stop buying into the assumption that your aim is to make money from your photography. Your goal is most likely to create amazing images that you love.

Concentrate on making your images remarkable, instead of marketable. If you photograph what you love to photograph, without regard for money, you'll create better images, which could lead to the possibility of money. Just don't count on the money."

And like that, it was clear...just because I owned a bunch of expensive equipment and had spent the last few years building a portfolio it didn't mean the next logical step was to 'go pro'...the next step has always been to keep enjoying what I enjoy most: taking photos of things I love. Sure, I need an income, and yes, I still have a Facebook page, but these things are no longer the central reason to pull my camera out of its bag. "Getting my name out there" has taken a backseat, and I feel less constrained for it. My portfolio doesn't have a bunch of new photos in it each month, but neither do I feel I'm failing because of that. Excuse? Perhaps. But I can honestly say I'm creatively happier now than I have been for a little while, and that's gotta count for something.

To conclude, I'll say that evidently this blog post has been very me-focused...what I'm saying will probably only apply to very few, if that. There are many, many photographers out there earning a living from photography and who love doing so, and if you can make that work, I take my hat off to you, but there are also a bunch of aspiring photographers who may never earn anything from it, and I don't think they should feel anything less than complete happiness that they get to take photos and capture memories. When I look through my website, nearly all the photos I see were taken on my own time. My favorites were taken with minimal gear and have never seen the inside of a magazine, brochure or commercial website. They were created out of love for photography, and when I took them I wasn't looking for a salable item. My favorite photographs are the ones I loved taking. And that, to me, is the definition of success.

Firstly, that it was pitch black outside until 630am. Man, Summer is wrapping up quickly. When I left the house at 545am last Friday to shoot the Autumn session at Shark Island the sky was already getting light. Now, a week on and we've lost 45 minutes of light. Crazy. But please, bring on Winter...I just bought myself a new wetsuit. Ha!

And secondly, I didn't expect to bump into legend Australian surf and landscape photographer, Sean Davey, photographing the sunrise from the same vantage point. In the mist of the dark, early morning haze, to literally bump into and be able to have a conversation with someone who's been a fixed force in the surf-photography industry for the last 20 years was awesome. Sean's work has graced the covers of so many of the surfing magazines I used to spend my weekly pocket-money on as a young teenager that his name has been firmly imprinted in my brain as one of the gurus of the sport. So that made for a neat experience.*

Oh, and finally, I should probably mention I wasn't expecting to get any decent photos. It was literally that dark for that long that I was a little stunned when the sun eventually did come out. But I gave it a shot anyway, and here's my result...

*To give you an idea of why it was unexpected, Sean actually now lives on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii, and is just in Sydney to build photographic content for his website. If you haven't yet figured out, i'm a photo-nerd with a whole bunch of heroes...haha.

Yesterday morning I swum out at Shark Island - a heavy reefbreak off the south end of Cronulla beach - and was stoked to see the size and perfection of waves coming through. After Sydney copped ninety millimeters of rain in the 24 hours prior to Friday, I wasn't expecting anywhere near the quality of waves on offer, but sure enough it was on, and immaculate. Along with about 15 other photographers in the water and lining the headland, I shot the first of what I hope to be many Autumn swells.

Here are a couple of my photos.

Without going in depth with excuses and justifications, i'll just say i've been busy. Real busy. Where twenty eleven was one of the slower, more transitional years i've experienced recently, this first 50 days of twenty twelve has been basically non-stop. It's actually been interesting learning to juggle multiple projects at the same time...something i've never done to this extent. I've had fewer days behind the lens this last 7 weeks than i've probably had in the last 3 years - but with the aim of making sure in the future I have many, many more.

So please, stay tuned. You'll see what i'm getting at soon.

In the meantime...

Not because I travelled lots or even made much happen, but because I didn't. I had time to sit and think, to sleep in until midday and to become unmotivated, and then I had time to reflect on how unhappy that made me and how unfulfilling that kind of lifestyle was. I had time to learn about my friends, my family, my partner and myself, and I had time to discover, just that little bit more, what it is I want from my life.

Twenty twelve, i'm sure, will be another interesting year. But for a different reason I hope. University beckons and I have plans to push my wedding photography too. As always I will be aiming to blog more and have less need for excuses. I hope to travel again and develop new friendships, while continuing to improve the ones I already have. But most of all, I aim to find my voice. As a photographer, and a person.

But before we reach the new year, let me show you just a few of my favourite photos from the past 12 months.

Here's to the year that was twenty eleven, and here's to what will come in twenty twelve!